The College Football Weekend Preview--September 16th edition...

In no particular order...

Cincinnati at #1 Ohio State:

WTF match-up #1 of the week...its either homecoming or Bob Huggins has decided that he wants to get some action in Columbus this weekend. Wait, he's not coaching at UC..and its football? Then why are these two playing?

OSU 52, Cincinnati 7

Iowa State at #16 Iowa

An actually interesting game between the two in Iowa City, as ISU comes in at 2-0 and Iowa is breathing again after almost losing at Syracuse. This one is going to hinge on Drew Tate...if he can't go, it could be couch burning time in Ames.

Iowa 24, Iowa State 20

Brigham Young at #23 Boston College

BC is up after winning in OT over Clemson and BYU is, well, BYU. Is Lavell Edwards or Robbie Bosco available?

BC 35, BYU 17

Duke at #14 Virginia Tech

So much fun...the Duke Lacrosse Team vs. Marcus Vick? I read a story this week about Duke talking smack, which is just funny, because the football team is just horrible. When does hoops for Duke start?

Va. Tech 63, Duke 10

UAB at #10 Georgia

Georgia continues their home patsy schedule (Western Kentucky?) before getting into the meat of their SEC schedule. Good opportunity for their freshman QB to get some experience in front of live players...

Georgia 42, UAB 17

#11 Michigan at #2 Notre Dame

The classic "Why can't both teams lose?" game for me, but I would say that the dislike for Michigan is a little more than the Irish. Charlie Weis is going back to his balloon stage while Lloyd Carr would like at least one big September victory in his coaching career. Can the Brady Quinn hype continue?

Notre Dame 24, Michigan 16

#17 Miami at #12 Louisville

One of my choices for watching on Saturday, this game should be an interesting mix of Miami's lack of offense and Louisville trying to replace Mr. Bush in the offensive backfield. Miami at 1-2? Hard to fathom...

Louisville 21, Miami 10

Youngstown State at #25 Penn State

Joe Pa and the Nittany Lions try to get over their humiliation last week by welcoming in the Penguins, a I-AA power at one time. Plus, to steal a line from the good guys at EDSBS.com, they had Cheaty McSweatervest as a coach at one time, which is a point away from YSU.

Penn State 31, YSU 14

#6 LSU at #3 Auburn

Power struggle in the SEC West. This thing has been attacked from every angle, so I will just post my score.

#6 LSU 24, #3 Auburn 21

#15 Oklahoma at #18 Oregon

Both teams come in at 2-0, both are trying to keep great seasons going but the Autzen Stadium crowd and the hypnotic Ducks uniforms prove to be too much.

#18 Oregon 31, #15 Oklahoma 21

#24 Texas Tech at #20 TCU

Old SWC matchup, two very good Texas teams, lots of old bad blood to be spilled in Fort Worth. I have no idea who will win, but I will make a prediction...

#20 TCU 35, #24 Texas Tech 31

#8 Texas at Rice

Nothing like hosting a pissed off and humbled Texas team, right, Rice? This one is going to be very ugly, but in honor of a former Texas legend, the Longhorns let up a little bit...

#8 Texas 70, Rice 7

Portland State at #21 Cal

The Golden Bears looked good last week after losing to Tennessee and they host the Vikings of Portland State (because Oregon and Vikings go so well together) that is most famous for being the college home of former Cardinals QB Neil Lomax.

Cal 49, Portland State 7

#22 Arizona State at Colorado

How many Buffs fans wish that they hadn't run off Gary Barnett? I liked what Dan Hawkins did at Boise State, but after two bad losses to start off the year in Boulder, this one might be worse...but its the kind of game that Hawkins is famous for getting his troops ready for...the upset special.

Colorado 34, #22 ASU 24

Clemson at #9 Florida State

Bowden vs. Bowden...again. The over/under on the number of times Bobby says "Dadgum!" is about 20.

#9 FSU 24, Clemson 14

#19 Nebraska at #4 USC

The Trojans are wondering if the Reggie Bush allegations are going to mean anything for their future while Nebraska has parlayed two creampuffs into a #19 ranking. I am waiting to see someone in the stands put a Trojan over their Cornhat, but that might the only interesting part of this game...

#4 USC 38, #19 Nebraska 14

#7 Florida at #13 Tennessee

What to say about this one? The Gators have looked pretty good in their first two victories, while the Vols have been my chemical imbalance team, up the first week against Cal and needing a late stop to beat Air Force. Which Vol team shows up? Having the huge boost of Justin Harrell coming back for one game might be a big help...but the Vols have to find somethign special this weekend.

#13 Tennessee 24, #7 Florida 21

Props to Deadspin for this one...

Great, great photo...

Not because of the attention whore on the front row, left, but for the guy holding the Shock U foam finger behind her...

Alcohol may have contributed?

Really, do you think that may have played a factor?

Now, the one I did get pretty close...

Picked the Vikings to win 20-16 and if it weren't for a botched XP, I would have picked it on the nose...but still, nice to see the Vikings get the W over the Redskins last night. Of course, I could have done without all the pictures from the game, including the one of Tom Cruise in Dan Snyder's box. Did they stand together so they both looked taller?

Wow, did I get the Raiders wrong...

Seriously, I really blew up on the Raiders thinking that they would be able to play last night. Horrible, horrible game--was that Aaron Brooks or Ryan Leaf behind center? No matter how you look at it, it was an ugly game folks in the Bay Area know it.

This pretty much says it all...the sign in the background, that is...

The other game...

BTW, is putting the game at 10 tonight ESPN's way of getting people off their backs about games never starting early?

Anyway, you have the Chargers, with Marty already on the hot seat as everyone in SD gets ready for the Phillip Rivers era to begin...and the Raiders try to keep the MNF magic going and try to convince people at home that they are going to be work anything.

Hey, I like the Chargers...but for some reason, I just have a feeling that the Raiders will win despite having Aaron Brooks...

Raiders 24, Chargers 20

Tonight's games...

The Vikings and the Redskins...

Well, Brad Childress wants the Vikings to be tough but with the Vikings wearing these things (OK, I know I sound like Paul Lukas with his hatred for purple) but still, its a long way from the great Vikings looks of the 60's and 70's...but I just can't ever pick the Redskins...

Vikings 20, Redskins 16

So, looking back at the weekend, how did I do?

Well...

I pulled one out of my ass with the BC/Clemson game, but other than that, the rest of my upset picks pretty much bombed...

OK, not bombed, but still...

I picked UTEP to beat Texas Tech and Tech won in OT...

I picked Fresno State to beat Oregon, but Oregon won by 7..

Didn't come close to the scores for UT/Air Force and Troy/FSU, but if anyone did, they are lying...

More to come...

The soon to be very wrong Top 25 preview...

In no particular order, here are scores while I wonder whatever happened to this former Vol...

No. 13 Louisville at Temple:

Michael Bush is gone for the Cards, but at least Bill Cosby won't be suiting up for the Owls.

Louisville 54, Temple 7

Central Michigan at No. 10 Michigan:

The Chippewas played BC tough last week, but Michigan's creampuff early schedule pays dividends.

Michigan 42, C. Michigan 10

No. 16 Va. Tech at North Carolina:

Now that Marcus Vick is gone, people are safe to roam McDonald's parking lots on the road. I can't watch a Hokies game without being mesmerized by Frank Beamer's neck, which will probably have its own reality show in Blacksburg before too long.

Va. Tech 31, North Carolina 3

No. 4 Auburn at Mississippi State

Was South Carolina's offense that bad or Mississippi State's defense that good? Another tough test for Sylvester Croom, as Tommy Tuberville brings his tractor to Starkville.

Auburn 45, Mississippi State 0

Eastern Washington at No. 6 West Virginia

The over/under on the number of couches torched after the game is 8. The game should be over 5 minutes before kickoff.

West Virginia 63, Eastern Washington 7, Couches 8

Nicholls State at No. 21 Nebraska

When did Nicholls become a state? Why is Nebraska playing these guys? Is Tommy Lee still drumming in the Nebraska band? Why so many question marks?

Nebraska 70, Nicholls State 10

Washington at No. 15 Oklahoma

Ah, the good old days when Don James used to have the Huskies playing great ball in one of the prettiest stadiums in the country. Sure, I sound like this guy but the Huskies used to be a good team...and now, they will get run over by the Sooner Schooner.

Oklahoma 38, Washington 13

No. 19 Penn State at No. 4 Notre Dame

Let's see what we have here--we have everyone's favorite Grandpa coach who doesn't say "Dadgum" all the time vs. the Golden Dome blimp, Charlie Weis. Notre Dame tries to prove that they weren't lucky against Georgia Tech while the Penn State trainers spend half the day trying to get Joe Pa to stop yelling "tell those damn kids to get off my lawn!"

Notre Dame 16, Penn State 10

No. 18 Clemson at Boston College

My upset special--Daddy always said don't trust a Bowden, so I figure its going to go into affect here.

Boston College 24, Clemson 17

No. 14 Iowa at Syracuse

How has Syracuse fallen so far so fast? In the Vols national championship year, they played tough and almost won--now, they have become one of the worst teams in NCAA Division I football. Sure, the crowd will be in it, but the Carrier Dome will be a miserable place to be by halftime.

Iowa 44, Syracuse 13

Troy at No. 9 Florida State

Great defense, no offense for the Seminoles, but they still got a win in Miami. Should be easier this week against a team made of these Troys but I don't see it happening...

Florida State 38, Troy 7

UCF at No. 7 Florida

Trap game #1 as the Gators get ready to head to Knoxville next week. George O'Leary has already written the game story where the Golden Knights win, but the rest of us will have to wait...

Florida 42, UCF 14

Arizona at No. 8 LSU

A Stoops heads to LSU as the head of Arizona, but will the Wildcats have any luck against the Tigers? Well, uh, no...

LSU 31, Arizona 9

Florida A&M at No. 17 Miami

The only way that the Rattlers have a chance to win is if they turn this into a battle of the bands...Miami is pissed after their loss, so A&M should just be happy this "soldier" is now in Cleveland...

Miami 66, Florida A&M 0, Marching 100 10

UC-Davis at No. 23 TCU

Sure, the I-AA UC-Davis Aggies beat Stanford last year, but then again, who didn't?

TCU 35, UC-Davis 16

Air Force at No. 11 Tennessee

Trap Game #2--the Vols have Florida coming in next week, Air Force has nothing to lose and are having their season opener...none of which probably matters.

Tennessee 44, Air Force 10

Minnesota at No. 22 Cal

The Gophers have won 17 straight regular season games against nonconference opponents, but they have to deal with a Cal team that got their lunch handed to them last week by Tennessee. Actually, one of the better games of the weekend...

Cal 21, Minnesota 17

No. 12 Georgia at South Carolina

Could this be the big win that the Ol' Ball Coach needs? Can the Bulldogs put away the Gamecocks? Bunch o' subplots going in this one, but it should be an excellent game, if South Carolina can move the ball.

Georgia 24, South Carolina 20

No. 24 Texas Tech at UTEP

The Miners of UTEP went to a bowl game last year and have put up some impressive numbers on the offensive side of the ball...something that Texas Tech is famous for. Should be a great game that will last about 5 hours, which will piss off Coach Price of UTEP, who just wants to get to the strip club for the early bird special.

UTEP 42, Texas Tech 38

No. 20 Oregon at Fresno State

I think I always want to root against Oregon because of their uniforms, but this is another game that should be fun to watch. Coach Pat Hill is famous for being willing to have his Bulldogs play anyone, anywhere and he might get some good results this time.

Fresno State 27, Oregon 24

Nevada at No. 25 Arizona State

Things are in disarray in the desert as the Sun Devils try to deal with all of the ruckus caused by their QB situation. Nevada is a very good team, but the Sun Devils should have just enough.

Arizona State 20, Nevada 16

No. 1 Ohio State at No. 2 Texas

Really, what can be said that hasn't been said yet? Not much, but I just can't trust a QB named after a horse...and if OSU loses, I have a feeling Carl Monday will be on his way to Austin to investigate everyone...

Ohio State 28, Texas 21

This is very wrong...

Boise State--Badass Smurfs?

Really, does the Smurf Turf get old to anyone else? Tried to play a season as Boise State on NCAA Football 2007 and the turf got to me after about 3 weeks...I started thinking about the bombing of the Smurf village in that Belgium commercial.

For Boise State, a nice W last night against Oregon State but this talk of an undefeated season for the Broncos is a little much right now.

Not really a sports thing, but Halle Berry's chest in involved...

Her Breasts Confused Him - video powered by Metacafe

Dolphins vs. Steelers...the breakdown.

The NFL season kicks off tonight with the magic of way too much pre-game "excitement", along with appearances by musicians (and after watching Diddy or Puff or Daddy or P-Daddy taking a piss on this great show last week, I am pretty afraid of what might happen) and others, hopefully, it will be get to the point where we can just watch some entertaining football.

The breakdown:

QB's:

Steelers:
Charlie Batch. Nothing against the guy, but Charlie Batch...on national TV...for the defending Super Bowl Champs? WTF? I know Tommy Maddox got run out of town and all, but the best that the Steelers could do is Charlie Batch. Maybe I am just bitter because I traded for Ben "Ghost Rider" Roetherslishoweverthehellhespellshisname, but still, Charlie Batch?

Dolphins:

All you need to know is on that link. Seriously, when you have to fly in hookers from the ATL vs. the choices Daunte has on South Beach, who thinks his mind is going to be on the game?

Advantage: PUSH

Running Backs:

Steelers:
The brittle Duce Staley, Willie Parker and someone else. Bettis in the booth, swearing that Bill Cowher is going to retire. Good times.

Dolphins:
Ronnie Brown. Auburn. SEC. 'Nuff said.

Advantage: Dolphins (and don't call them the "Fish"--stupidest thing I have ever heard--would you call the Jets "them big flying things"? The Cowboys the "sheep f**kers"?)

Wide Receivers:

Steelers:
Everyone loves Hines Ward now, including his parents and the two million people in his adopted nation that he apparently freed over the offseason. Santonio Holmes always wants to make me think about the Alamo and the rest of the Steelers wideouts should try to run really short routes for Charlie's arm.

Dolphins:
Wait a minute--Nat Moore doesn't play here anymore?

Advantage: Steelers

Defense:

Steelers:
You have everyone's favorite psycho Joey Porter, along with Troy Polaumouliauauouuuae (buy some more vowels, eh?) and the rest of the Steelers defense, out to prove that the refs weren't the reason that the Steelers won the Super Bowl. Good luck with that, although I am waiting to see the day that Joe Hallenbeck has to run on the field and keep Joey Porter from pulling a Milo and killing people.

Dolphins:
I have broken down their film and if AJ Duhe can rush Bradshaw like this the entire game, the Dolphins will win easy.

Advantage: Steelers

Special Teams:

Its going to be raining at some point and you know how that can affect guys like Ray Finkel and the rest of the kicking game.

Advantage: Uwe Von Schumann

Final Analysis:
Charlie Batch vs. Daunte Culpepper. Pick 'em.
Dolphins 24, Steelers 20

Photo Time...

Hey, does this guy play for Mike Nolan?

Too obscure? Check out this story for the background...

A wag of the wings to...

Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes, who ran full out to first to do his best to break up the no hitter by Anabel Sanchez of the Marlins during last night's game. Nice to see a guy running full out and not just conceding the no hitter, although it would have been great to see the crowd reaction (which is an oxymoron at Marlins games) if the first base ump hadn't rung Byrnes up...

The one that started it all...

Can't stop watching this...

Shameless Plug...

If you haven't figured it out yet, I have ties to ice hockey...and the University of Tennessee. With that being said, if any of you are in town for the Florida football weekend, head out the Icearium to watch the Tennessee Ice Hockey Team play Florida's hockey team the night before the football game.

Tennessee vs. Air Force...the lowdown.

Erik Ainge now looks like a hero and not the short bus rider that he emulated throughout 2005...The Great Pumpkin (aka Phil Fulmer) looks like a genius for getting David Cutcliffe to come back to Tennessee (and how come no one talks about the fact that he was going to be at Notre Dame before his heart or whatever it was blew up) and everyone in Tennessee is happy.

With all that being said, how can you really root against a service academy? I know that people in the various services root for their academy and against all others, but how do you root against one? Tennessee should push them around the field (although I do like watching a team run the Wishbone) but its like rooting for the neighborhood bully. You root for the bully, you know he's going to win and its predictable...you root for the underdog, one of two things are going to happen--the underdog gets beaten badly and no one is happy or even worse, the underdog wins, there is much rejoicing and the underdog is happy. Of course, that happiness is fleeting and they wind up trying to relive that high point in their life until they reach the point that they are snorting coke off a stripper's tits while trying to rob a liquor store, but its not the same feeling of excitement as winning that big game...

I'm rambling, but remember that analogy next time Montana State beats Colorado...anyway, my prediction:

Tennessee 42, Air Force 14

Quite possibly the greatest highlight reel ever...

OK, with a name like Goocher...

You have to love when Minor League Baseball teams do whatever they can to make some extra money...and the guys at Deadspin.com have done a great job of keeping up with the promos...but looking at the Diamondbacks AA team, you can see some interesting jerseys up for bid. How long will it take some idiot to buy "Goocher" and try to see if he can get a 69 put on the back?

Welcome to Fredwings...

Sports can be a messy...from being a fan and watching your team crash and burn (thanks, Red Sox) or being a part of a league doing its best to screw itself into the ground. (thanks, Gary Bettman)

Anyway, Fredwings is going to be the outlet for whatever sports, idiocy and other things I have going on in my head...just think of it as a lovely little oasis of insanity out there. Fuck, I think I have been writing TV and radio promos too long.

The name comes from a hockey buddy of mine, a guy I played college club hockey with who never, ever washed his gear. The rookies had to get dressed near him and they would get dressed faster the longer the season wore on. This guy, named Fred, was famous for enjoying a particularly disgusting practice with the ladies, which he said was OK because it always reminded him of the team he always thought he would be playing for if he became a pro hockey player. Of course, he had to always tell everyone about how he had earned his "Fred Wings"...and the name has stuck with me.

So, welcome to Fred Wings, people. Enjoy.