Thursday, September 07, 2006

Dolphins vs. Steelers...the breakdown.

The NFL season kicks off tonight with the magic of way too much pre-game "excitement", along with appearances by musicians (and after watching Diddy or Puff or Daddy or P-Daddy taking a piss on this great show last week, I am pretty afraid of what might happen) and others, hopefully, it will be get to the point where we can just watch some entertaining football.

The breakdown:

QB's:

Steelers:
Charlie Batch. Nothing against the guy, but Charlie Batch...on national TV...for the defending Super Bowl Champs? WTF? I know Tommy Maddox got run out of town and all, but the best that the Steelers could do is Charlie Batch. Maybe I am just bitter because I traded for Ben "Ghost Rider" Roetherslishoweverthehellhespellshisname, but still, Charlie Batch?

Dolphins:

All you need to know is on that link. Seriously, when you have to fly in hookers from the ATL vs. the choices Daunte has on South Beach, who thinks his mind is going to be on the game?

Advantage: PUSH

Running Backs:

Steelers:
The brittle Duce Staley, Willie Parker and someone else. Bettis in the booth, swearing that Bill Cowher is going to retire. Good times.

Dolphins:
Ronnie Brown. Auburn. SEC. 'Nuff said.

Advantage: Dolphins (and don't call them the "Fish"--stupidest thing I have ever heard--would you call the Jets "them big flying things"? The Cowboys the "sheep f**kers"?)

Wide Receivers:

Steelers:
Everyone loves Hines Ward now, including his parents and the two million people in his adopted nation that he apparently freed over the offseason. Santonio Holmes always wants to make me think about the Alamo and the rest of the Steelers wideouts should try to run really short routes for Charlie's arm.

Dolphins:
Wait a minute--Nat Moore doesn't play here anymore?

Advantage: Steelers

Defense:

Steelers:
You have everyone's favorite psycho Joey Porter, along with Troy Polaumouliauauouuuae (buy some more vowels, eh?) and the rest of the Steelers defense, out to prove that the refs weren't the reason that the Steelers won the Super Bowl. Good luck with that, although I am waiting to see the day that Joe Hallenbeck has to run on the field and keep Joey Porter from pulling a Milo and killing people.

Dolphins:
I have broken down their film and if AJ Duhe can rush Bradshaw like this the entire game, the Dolphins will win easy.

Advantage: Steelers

Special Teams:

Its going to be raining at some point and you know how that can affect guys like Ray Finkel and the rest of the kicking game.

Advantage: Uwe Von Schumann

Final Analysis:
Charlie Batch vs. Daunte Culpepper. Pick 'em.
Dolphins 24, Steelers 20

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